I am sometimes a walking, talking contradiction. Tonight, for instance, I was writing to someone about how if I had been left alone with no support, then my spiritual journey would have been left vacuous with little meaning. Yet, when it comes to prayer, one of the ways I find as the best outlets to express myself spiritually, then I prefer to be alone. I like praying with others, sometimes, but the complications surrounding praying with others in many situations takes the meditative and contemplative parts of prayer away for me many times. If I am free to pray with others as I believe my conscience drives me to do so, then I am much more at peace when I am with others. Sometimes. Sometimes, though, I am wrapped in a cacophony of thoughts surrounding the insanity of the prayer situation in which I have been placed and the only way for me to shut out the disturbance of reality is to go to prayer. The group situation melts away and I am left to my own faculties...just God and myself. This is preferable at times and I will put myself in this situation from time to time. Healthy? Perverse?
Some time back, I lost what was termed to me as my "sense of sanctuary" when I was going through a rough period. The person who helped me find it, a Pagan practitioner, guided me to find the one place I felt at peace. Once I found that place, I was to then build the place as my sanctuary. Once I practiced my rituals in my place of sanctuary long enough, the place would move from being a necessity to being something I could take to my mind and I could find anytime I needed it. I found that place in a room in my home at the time where the sun was warm, the light was bright and I felt the need and want to do my rituals. The place reminded me of the church sanctuary where I began my spiritual journey. A place I can go still and find the same peace I found in this room. Once I found that peace, I began first by just praying to myself and then including some more traditional, Islamic rituals.
My "sense of sanctuary" ebbs and flows. I have a feeling it will throughout my lifetime and I will have times, like now, when I will need to find it again and again. I will find times where traditional rituals are needed at some points and personal rituals at other points. I will move ahead alone, but need the feeling of community, too. After all, I am part of a community and cannot imagine shutting myself from sharing rituals with them forever.
Sometimes I will have to perform prayer rituals I believe are strict and binding and at other times will have the ability to do whatever I like. Each time, I will need to find my sanctuary and keep my mind on what the purpose of my prayer is...praise to, supplication to and movement on my journey with God.
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Kelly
American Islamic Fellowshipblog@americanislamicfellowship.com~~~~~~
"Eventually, ritual was developed as a means of contacting and utilizing the energy within humans as well as in the nature world." ~Scott Cunningham, Wicca Author
"And unto every community we have appointed rituals...and God is one God, therefore surrender yourselves to God..." Quran 22:34
